living in the past

I’m 60 years old. I’ve lived with two paralytic sciatica injuries and a stiff body for years.

I grew up almost as an only child. My brothers were much older and not the best at being brothers. At 12, I had my first back injury. How does that even happen at 12? I didn’t think I was stressed. But looking back, I was… unconsciously.

For years, I made decisions from that place of stress. Even when I went back to school, got a good job, started a family — stress stayed with me. I thought I was building a new life, but deep down, I was still carrying the same pain. My wife’s family wasn’t supportive. I felt unworthy — “just a stay-at-home dad.” I drank to numb it. My back hurt constantly.

Stress had become my identity.

Joe Dispenza says:

“If your body becomes the mind of that emotional state, you live in the past.
Your future can only look like more of the same.”

I see this in my nephew too. My father was hard on him, and he became the same with his son. Now at 36, he’s sick, alone, stuck blaming his past. His body reflects his mind: he suffers from ankylosing spondylitis — a disease that literally locks the body.

So, how do we save ourselves?

It starts with forgiveness.
Forgiving our parents, our spouse, ourselves.

Then, by teaching our body a new future: through meditation, love, and compassion. Not just thinking differently, but feeling differently.

When we meditate, we step out of the loop of past pain and open the door to a new identity — one based on peace, love, and purpose.

In 2013, I started practicing Tai Chi. It didn’t erase my struggles — I still went through a painful divorce — but it gave me tools. It helped me stop living as the man defined by stress, and start becoming the man I wanted to be.

We can’t create a new future while living in the emotions of the past. The real revolution begins inside us — with forgiveness, love, and conscious presence.